Bizarre Stuff

Over on FaceBook, there's a page dedicated to Conservapedia, although ironically, it's meant as a parody page. Clearly the site that Andrew Schlafly thinks is merely used for gossip and breaking up marriages, isn't worthy of having a site advertising themselves in a positive light. Then again, why would they need to - there are plenty of people viewing Conservapedia. Why, there's enough that Schlafly thinks CP is solely responsible for the U.S.'s lurch to the right.  (You see, this is the kind of thing that happens when you surround a megalomaniac with simpering, spineless toadies.)

Now there's a very good reason that I mentioned that the FB Conservapedia page was intended as parody, because there have been some strange happenings going on over there. So strange, in fact, that if I wasn't that familiar with the general what-the-fuckery associated with Conservapedia, I'd write it off as somebody taking the piss and leave it at that. It might still be a classic Poe, or it might even be the true identity of CP's International Mug of Mystery, Ken Demyer.

Andrew Schlafly, Idiot

Yes, I know, you're all thinking, "So what's new?" but it is gratifying when Conservapedia founder and self-proclaimed home-school teacher, Andrew Schlafly opens his mouth and displays his complete and utter ignorance for all to see. If he's not begging some State's Supreme Court to ignore their constitution because of a "heartfelt" letter George Washington wrote to a family member, then he's banging on about global warming... or the lack thereof.

I've mentioned elsewhere about Andy's penchant for writing off global warming fears as "liberal claptrap" - his new pet phrase since "Godspeed" and "You're clueless" went out of fashion. His basic spiel is to say something along the lines of "Ooh, there's a massive snowstorm in the Midwest today. So much for the liberal claptrap of global warming."

Now, it's understandible that Andy has to follow in Mama S's conservative footsteps, but you'd think he man would have an inkling of how this thing he doesn't believe in works. After all, he does have an engineering degree from Princeton. Now, the easiest way to describe all this would be as follows:

Warmer weather = warmer seas = more evaporation = more water vapour in air = blown inland by air currents = if it's hot, you get floods (Queensland); if it's cold, you get increased snowfall (US & Europe).

Now, before all you techy types start writing me long messages, employing irony, that is the very, very simplified version. I'm trying to phrase it in terms the Conservapedia administrators will understand... although I'll probably have to resort to pictures for a few of them.

Anyway, long story short, Andy posted yet another "It's cold, so global warming isn't happening" story. A soon-to-be-banned user enquired politely is Andy wasn't confusing "weather" with "climate." Ok, so he also called Andy's right-wing hate blog a blog, so he deserved everything coming to him.

This involved local swabbie with anger issues, Brian Macdonald, swaggering over in true Karajou style, blocking the user and instead of addressing the issue, decodes to speak to the dead:

While you're banned as the troll/vandal you are - and since you like reading blogs - I suggest you try reading this one: http://wattsupwiththat.com/climategate/

Once again ignoring that Climategate was blown all out of proportion by right-wing fuckheads like Brian. Don't worry, I'm sure Brian doesn't mind me calling him a fuckhead (although "forecastle's bitch" might make him blow a fuse), seeing as he concluded our last little chat by saying that he'd be laughing in heaven, while I burnt in hell. What a nice fuckhead he is.

Not to be outdone, Andy also feels the need to speak to the dead and it's with his quote that I'll close off. Because really, you can only let such rank stupidity speak for itself:

"PhineasR", snowfall is correlated with cold weather, and much snowfall is a counterexample to the liberal claim of dangerous global warming.  Here we observe events and data with an open mind

Utterly Repulsive

At this moment, I can't think of any other words with which to describe the new lows to which the Brothers Schlafly have sunk. Then again, given the fact that they were squeezed from between the thighs of Mad Cow Phyllis Schlafly and maybe it's possible they were doomed to being misogynistic morons from the word go.

Now, Roger does occasionally come across as the voice of reason, especially when arguing with Andy about the merits of Relativity. However, be under no delusion that Roger isn't as deranged as his whack-job brother. You need only take a stroll through his blogs, Dark Buzz and Singular Values, to see that this man's worldview is as twisted - if not more so - than Andrew's. He seems to save his special crazy for the latter blog, where he proclaims "Mohammedans" were responsible for the Crusades, the Church promoted science during the Dark Ages, and women are more gullible when it comes to climate change.

Curiouser and curiouser

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Curiouser and curiouser

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I Saw What You Did There, Andy

Now I know I have already spoken about Andrew Schlafly's "Best New Conservative Words" nonsense. Still, Andy keeps on coming back to it, in much the same way you can't help playing with a rotten tooth. As you may, or may not, know Andy has surmised that ever since the 17th century, more and more conservative words have been created, essentially doubling in number every century.

There are, of course, two problems with this:

• The so-called "conservative words" appear to be a random collection of terms pulled out of Andy's ass, and augmented by several parodists. Thus we get such entries as "Radar" and "transistor" being conservative terms.


• Andy applies his own selection bias to the project. Thus if the 1700s had 5 new "conservative" words, the 1800s must have 10. So, Andy stops counting when the words he has decided on match his criteria. He hardly ever goes further back, because finding a new word in 1600 would mean 2 new 1700s words, 4 new 1800s words, 8 new 1900s words and 16 new 2000s words. And even Andy could have trouble coming up with so many words.

Still, despite the unscientific nature of the whole thing (but then we all know science is the Devil's work!) Andy has issued a challenge on Conservapedia's font page, which reads:

"Liberals doubt our observed doubling per century for these words, yet every layer reproves the remarkable growth pattern. Still looking for 6 more. Can any liberals disprove the pattern?"

Liberals versus Conservatives

In response to the drivel I spoke about in "Conservatives versus Reality" below, I see the Drudge Retort (a witty alternative to the Drudge Report... why do conservatives suck at page layout?) have come up with a list of their own, that makes far more sense.

• If a liberal doesn’t believe that abortion is morally acceptable, she doesn’t have one.
  If a conservative doesn’t believe that abortion is morally acceptable, he or she wants to prevent anyone from having one.